Thursday, September 5, 2013

Week 2 Woes

I wrote this to a friend of mine, and realized it would make a good posting.  "Week 2" of any change in my life, be it diet, fitness, or school, is my downfall. I soar through the first week, jump in with both feet, gung-hu, and with guns a'blazing. But then suddenly week 2 rolls around, or even the end of week 1, and I realize that it's no longer comfortable. I start to realize that this feels like WORK. I didn't sign up for something requiring me to DO something. Skinny people in magazines are smiling, splashing in the waves at the beach, or lounging in an outdoor oasis their designer made for them, while sipping wine with their skinny friends. THAT'S what I want.  None of this weigh my food crap, and don't use oil or salt bologna. (Uummm... Bologna) I mean really, where am I going to hide my digital weight watchers scale in the strappy skin-tight sun dress while I entertain 75 of my closest friends during sunset on the deck of my fabulous yacht? 

So, due to the fun challenge group I'm in, I'm sticking with it through week 2. I didn't allow my self-sabotage to completely derail me. Yes, I pigged out and splurged (too much), and regained the 4 pounds i quickly lost in week 1, but I jumped right back on the proverbial horse, and find myself happily settled into the middle of week 2. And I'm losing again. Haven't lost the 4 I found again after my 2-days of ridiculous food choices, but I'm happy. I'm excited to see what lies ahead of me. 

There are only 6 weeks left in our game. I wonder if the group would like to jump right into another round immediately following this one so we don't get too off track over the holidays...

Wednesday, September 4, 2013

72 Butterflies

Genna brings me a tiny daisy off of a massive wild flower that is growing by the deck. Every day, she sings, "Mommy... I have a surprise for you." And every day I close my eyes and hold out my hand and wait for her to place the tiny flower in my hand and tell me to open my eyes. And every day, I tell her how pretty it is and how much I love it.

I posted that story on Facebook the other day, and a friend told me it was a sign from my Mama telling me I'm doing things right. I thought that was perfect, and I love our daily routine of my surprise even more now, knowing Mama is there with us each time.

I have long believed that she stops by to see me, and the family she never got to meet, via butterflies. The other night, while preparing supper, a black and blue monarch landed on the table on the patio and spread her wings. She then walked around with her wings out flat, and I pointed her out to Patrick and the kids. 

Yesterday, while outside doing science day, my daisy surprise was two daisies. When GG told me it was time to open my eyes, the two daisies were in my hand, and there was a beautiful black and blue monarch butterfly on the leaf right by my shoulder. When I turned my head to see her, she flew down to Genna's head, then flew off. 

Just then. Conner came running over asking if we wanted to see the beautiful butterfly he had found. I asked him if it was the black one and he excitedly said it was, but it had flown off and he couldn't find it. I told him that was his grand mommy. He asked how his grand mommy was turned into a butterfly, and I laughed and told him I'd tell him later. Now, you have to realize that Conner has to know everything about everything, but this time, he took that answer as enough, and ran off to find something else to discover.

Today would be Mama's 72 birthday. Cancer took her from us in 1996. She was 55.

Happy Birthday, Mama. Yeah, we're doing ok. Thanks for checking in. I love you.

Monday, September 2, 2013

Square One... It's like I never left you.

Those of you that follow along regularly know that I have been battling my weight for a long time. I started a "Game On" challenge with friends via Facebook, and found a wonderful circle of people who help motivate me, encourage me, and support me. That being said, they can't physically be with me 24/7 to both monitor and control what I eat and do. I exercised 180 minutes last week, I counted every calorie, and every carbohydrate. I was below calories and carbs for the first half of the week, and lost 4 pounds like THAT (snap of fingers of emphasis). Then I had enough calories left over after a long workout and not eating very high caloric foods during the day to eat gluten free pizza for supper. It was dreamy. Warm, crunchy, salty, tangy, cheesy. Oh, man, was it just awesome. 

But... The next day, I was in agony. Must have gotten cross contaminated, because I was dreaming of trying to find a restroom, then woke up before 6:00am with terrible tummy troubles.  I spend 90% of the next day (Saturday) in bed. But I got up to eat. I mean, I am ad addict. I needed that food fix, needed to see if eating would make me feel better. Nope. Not even a little bit. 

But, around 4:00pm, I was sick and tired of feeling sick and tired, so I joined the family and planned a "comfort meal" of mild chicken and rice and peas for supper. Made it, it was fabulous, ate it, and enjoyed some time with the family. The kids eagerly and sweetly exclaimed that this was the best meal ever, lifting my spirits higher and higher. 

Then I noticed the next morning that 2 of my lost 4 pounds had found its way back home. I hadn't lost them, but merely misplaced them. 

Sunday was my official "cheat day" and we had a full day of relaxing and fun planned. A day-trip to a winery with friends, and a baseball game that night. Cheese and crackers with the wine, then gluten free hotdogs and gluten free beer at the game. It really was a great day!

Monday morning, today, this morning, I got on the scale to see what was going on, and the other 2 lost pounds had rejoined their comrades on my thighs. It's a good thing too, because one side was horribly lopsided with those 2 extra pounds. I was way off balance, walking almost in circles, it was a little embarrassing. It's a blessing really that the other 2 came back.

The blessing is this. I know that I can not eat carbohydrates that do not come from leafy green vegetables. The ONLY carbohydrate that my body can process and not immediately store as fat is leafy greens.  

So here we are, back to a Monday morning start of a week. I'm thinking no cheats, other than perhaps a gigantic steak. But as far as cheats... I'm only cheating myself. I'm not sneaking something by the diet police, looking over my shoulder and laughing at the fact that I got away with it. "Ha Ha! You SUCKER!  I just ate a plate of brown rice, and you didn't catch me! Fools!"  Yeah... Um... They did catch me. Well, the scale caught me, and I'm feeling like the fool. 

Time to wake up Chica. You know what to do, and it's way past time to stop being so hard headed about all this. There is no magic bullet, no easy way out, no miracle "plan" that will fix all of this. You ate your way here, you can eat your way out. Just do it and shut up, already.

Game on, y'all.