Emotional Eating

Stupid broken brain. I'm an emotional eater and a food addict. 

I'm constantly fighting something in my head.

I'm either fighting my ADD, or my anxiety, or my monthly hormonal highs and lows, or a gluten zap, or if we're all really lucky, it's a combination of one, two, three, or all of the above.

So I'm officially the heaviest I've ever been. I can lose 100 pounds at this point and be happy as a pig in shit.

I'm still obsessed with quick fixes. I want liposuction, I want my stomach stapled, I want to accidentally slip into a non life threatening coma for the next 9 months and wake up skinny. But none of these are logical, healthy, or going to fix the problem.

The problem is ME. it's not the burgers and fries. That's like blaming the bullets and the gun for a death. The problem isn't the food, the problem is the reason WHY I put those foods into my mouth.

So... Let's see about how I can figure this out. 

I have the support and the love and the means to make it happen. I just have to search for, find, and accept that switch that needs to take place inside ME. No one can do this for me. There isn't a quick fix for this. It's a daily process of making choices that are different from the choices I've been making.

Week 2 Woes

I wrote this to a friend of mine, and realized it would make a good posting.  "Week 2" of any change in my life, be it diet, fitness, or school, is my downfall. I soar through the first week, jump in with both feet, gung-hu, and with guns a'blazing. But then suddenly week 2 rolls around, or even the end of week 1, and I realize that it's no longer comfortable. I start to realize that this feels like WORK. I didn't sign up for something requiring me to DO something. Skinny people in magazines are smiling, splashing in the waves at the beach, or lounging in an outdoor oasis their designer made for them, while sipping wine with their skinny friends. THAT'S what I want.  None of this weigh my food crap, and don't use oil or salt bologna. (Uummm... Bologna) I mean really, where am I going to hide my digital weight watchers scale in the strappy skin-tight sun dress while I entertain 75 of my closest friends during sunset on the deck of my fabulous yacht? 

So, due to the fun challenge group I'm in, I'm sticking with it through week 2. I didn't allow my self-sabotage to completely derail me. Yes, I pigged out and splurged (too much), and regained the 4 pounds i quickly lost in week 1, but I jumped right back on the proverbial horse, and find myself happily settled into the middle of week 2. And I'm losing again. Haven't lost the 4 I found again after my 2-days of ridiculous food choices, but I'm happy. I'm excited to see what lies ahead of me. 

There are only 6 weeks left in our game. I wonder if the group would like to jump right into another round immediately following this one so we don't get too off track over the holidays...

2 down, 78 to go.

If you followed along last week, you saw my daily struggle with healthy low calorie eating. You saw my frustrations and excitements along the way. If you're with me on Facebook, you saw my friends advice, words of wisdom, and cheers of encouragement. 

After a midweek peep at the scale, and seeing it hadn't budged, I became very sad. Friends pointed out I wasn't eating enough calories. I'm not an expert. I clearly don't understand the ins and outs (literally) of calories, or carbs, or protein, or fiber, or sodium, or fat. There are thousands of books published telling us how to eat and they all seem to contradict one another. 

But I've found that I like the low carb approach. I've had success with that in the past. It's easy, mindless, and in my mind, scientifically sound. I can't eat gluten without a slew of unpleasantries, so it's not difficult for me to bypass those choices. 

So, I find myself at the start of the week again, excited about what's to come. 2 pounds down in week one. It's not the 10-15 pound loss we see on week one of "The Biggest Looser", but I also don't have Jillian Michaels as my personal trainer and coach. 

7:30 Monday morning and the kids have had breakfast, GG's toes are painted pink just like Mommy's, the dishwasher is loaded, I'm on mug 2 of coffee with liquid sugar free flavored creamer, the dogs have been out to potty and dried off since its raining, and in a couple of hours we'll go to swim class. I still have a few loads of clean laundry to fold and put away, which I'll do while kids are napping. 

Every day is an amazing adventure. Every meal is an awesome treat. Every action is chosen. 

Day 4

Day 4 was cool because I used one of those diet tips I've heard about and always thought was hooey. Around 3:00 I was "STARVING"! I logged the snack I wanted to have, Greek yogurt and granola, and it was around 300 calories! For a "healthy" snack, that is "chock-full of protein and whole grains which fill you up and make you feel great all day". Bologna!!  Pure bologna. No. What fills me up and makes ME feel great all day is a cheeseburger and fries. 

So while I was contemplating my choices, I thought about the HALT method.  "H" - Am I HUNGRY? = YES! "A" - Am I ANGRY? = YES, because I want a cheeseburger. "L" - Am I lonely? = NO, I have 2 kids, 2 dogs, a cat and Facebook to keep me company. "T" - Am I THIRSTY?  = Hum... Could be. Lets drink a bunch of water to see if it really does "fill you up" when you're feeling snackish. 

Well, I'll be damned! It worked. I drank around 16 ounces of water with lemon, and I didn't even have to get up. I had my water bottle already with me. Here's my food log from day 4. 

I then proceeded to pack up the kids and (almost) all their supplies for swimming class. I let the dog out, and we went to class. 

Swim class was fun. GG "graduated" up to level 3, Boo almost went to level 4, but needs to enter the water with a swooping/diving motion from the edge of the pool, rather than dropping in feet first. 

GG got to ring the graduation bell, she didn't force me to come in to remove her from the pool like she has every other class, and we had a moderately tantrum-free suit removal, dry-off, and redressing in street clothes. Right up until I realized I had forgotten a shirt for Boo. Seriously Carter Ann? Seriously?!? Great. Do I have him walk out in just his blue jeans and no shirt and act like its no big deal, do I leave him in his swimsuit, because that's a more socially acceptable shirtless outfit? The whole time he's sassing me to no end because I forgot his shirt. Since he's already in his jeans at this point, I'm not going to put my sweet angel back in his cold wet suit, so I wrapped his top half in his towel, and we walked out like that. 

Just to see that it was POURING outside. And the umbrellas are in the car. And the car is in the far corner of the lot. Seriously? I forgot the shirt, I forgot the umbrellas. Ggrrrr.  

With GG on hip, purse and gigantic pool bag on shoulder, and Boo holding my hand, we run to the car. Boo loses a flip-flop in the parking lot, so we have to go back, put on said flop, and run to car again. I put GG in her seat, Boo crawls through, I shut GG's door, go around to Boo's seat, use the towel to cover my head and back while I buckle him in. I jump into the front seat and start the car. 

Boo is still smart-mouthing me for forgetting his shirt. He's "FREEZING" because he doesn't have his shirt. Note, he's the most dry of the 3 of us because he was wrapped in his towel. I tossed the now wet towel back to him telling him its cold and wet, but he's convinced I'm completely wrong. Then GG wants HER towel. "NO", I said, and I backed out of the parking spot. Got to the stop sign and heard, "Mommy, I'm not buckled." I turn and look, and sure as shit, I didn't buckle GG. 

Put the car in reverse, get out of the way as I can, car in park, jump out, run around, open her door, buckle her in while she's screaming and kicking because she doesn't WANT to be buckled, close her door, run back around car, get back in driver seat, and drive home. 

We walk in the door to find the Daddy person getting out the vacuum. "YOUR DOG ate the trash again." I didn't dare ask what he was using the Dyson for in this case instead of sweeping and mopping. Nope. Don't question at this point. Whatever he's doing is perfect. 

"Stella was outside when I got home too", he says after the vacuum is off. I looked down at the 85 pound collie shepherd chow retriever mixed mutt who is sadly glaring at me through her still wet, very long, very thick fur with eyes that say, "Mommy... You left me outside in the rain and I was so scared you would never come home."

Forgot shirt and umbrellas. Forgot to place trash can in bathroom, forgot to buckle daughter, forgot fuzzy-girl outside. 

Perhaps I should sit down. But no. Instead I'm going to go change out of my soaking wet clothes. 

GG and I change out of our wet clothes into our jammies and bring jammies down for the boys. What's better on a crazy night of the forgetsies than a family movie night in jammies? 

The kids had fish-sticks, veggie-noodle Mac-N-Cheese, grapes, cheese, milk and water. Mommy and Daddy had grilled salmon. We watched The Rise of The Guardians, and forgot all about the rest of the day.