Magic

I have a little boy upstairs with a gap in his perfect smile, a special pillowcase with a little pocket sewn in, and his first baby tooth tucked warmly down in that special pockets' safety. He's so excited, he's exhausted. We read extra stories tonight and stayed up a little later than normal. We called GranMa at home, and Daddy at work to tell them that our tooth finally came out. I posted a ton of pictures to Facebook, sent pictures via email to the family members who aren't on Facebook, and those who aren't on the social site very often. 

I really don't know who's more excited about all of this.

Let me back up a bit. I wanted to be a high powered executive in NY with a penthouse apartment with a killer view, a huge grand piano in the center of an immaculate apartment that was perfectly arranged and totally picture worthy at any given moment. I wanted glamor and glitz to the max. I pictured myself in a business suit during the day, a little black cocktail dress at night, and sleeping in satin jammies. Every day. If I were going to watch something on TV, it was because a close friend was featured in a documentary. Kids were always a part of that, but they were in the background somewhere. Perhaps off at a private school, or being tended to by the nanny. This is how I pictured my adult life.

Then, several years ago, I fell in love. I fell in love with a man who had known what his kids names were going to be from the time he was about ten years old. On our second date he told me what our kids names were going to be. I was a little freaked out. I had just graduated college. I was ready to get out of Virginia, head to NY, buy my first suit and grand piano and get going on the glitzy life I'd always dreamt of. There had already been setbacks in my plan. Life and death can't be controlled or fully mapped out, so my path had several rocks, streams, and downed trees along the way. At each of these pauses along the path, I fully enjoyed the obstical. On the rocks, I stopped and looked around. Perfectly happy to pause and breath. At the streams, I grabbed a raft and floated along, not knowing or minding where it took me. At the downed trees, I either balanced and walked along them to the other side, or I jumped and climbed over them to the other side. 

Then, one of these paths led me to an area I never saw coming. I remember the exact moment when I knew I wanted to marry this man and be the mother of the children he had envisioned since his childhood. I no longer wanted the glossy magazine life. I wanted to make supper, do laundry, walk dogs, grocery shop, change diapers, and sleep in oversized T-shirts. I wanted to arrange throw pillows, snuggle in front of the fire watching Disney movies, and tuck the little ones into bed. I wanted to teach a little girl how to braid her Barbie's hair and climb a tree, and wanted to go to little league games and soccer matches. Sudenly, there was an immediate shift from wanting things that would enrich MY life, to wanting to enrich the lives of the people I loved MORE than me. I hadn't even met them yet, but I knew them, none the less.

The lives of these people mean more to me than I ever imagined possible. The sparkle in their eyes when we talk about the tooth fairy, and Santa Clause is far more valuable than the sparkle in a diamond. The smell of their perfectly sweet morning breath when I get my morning kisses, and hear, "good morning, Mommy", is more intoxicating than a room full of exotic orchids. 

The magic in their childhood is a joy to both them and to me. Creating that magic and watching them sparkle and shine is an incredible gift. I wrote above, that I wasn't sure who was more excited about the first tooth fairy visit, and it's the absolute truth, but I kinda think it's me. Being a part of one of the greatest magical moments in a child's life as a parent is honestly better than being the child. Gearing up for Santas visit this year is already exciting for all of us. The tooth fairy's visit, the Easter Bunny next spring. These magical moments in a child's life are the things dreams are made of. Keeping the mean and scary world away, for as long as I can, is what I want. Yes, they'll grow up. They'll see things that make them sad, and they'll see things they don't understand. But through all that, they'll also know they can turn to us, their Mommy and Daddy, and have a hug that will magically make the scary seem less real. There's a certain magic in a Mommy/Daddy snuggle that remains throughout life. 

And perhaps, just perhaps... That magic is deeper, more special, and sparklier when you're the Mommy or Daddy, and you're the one giving the hug to your Boo and Pooky.